Just exactly who am I?

I'm definitely on the cusp and today's horoscope captures that intriguing little detail perfectly!
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You were born innocent, and in many ways you are innocent still. Embrace that. Though it may be fun to discover how the magic trick works, it's far more fun to believe.
I sometimes feel more gullible than innocent, but very true of my nature. I go into situations with a smile and lots of hope because I just don't know any better at times. DAMN! Wish I could sell that - I'd be a millionaire...instead, I'm rich with friends who tell me I'm what they look forward to...that I put a smile on their face and in their heart when things are grim and that I somehow have the perfect timing for it...PRICELESS! And do I believe in miracles? Why, yes I do!

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You'll be an excellent judge of character, but the question is whether you will follow what your inner voice suggests. In order to do so, you must let go of needing the situation to go a certain way.
I do agree that I am an excellent judge of character and because of it, I've met some really great people. I have to admit that I haven't followed what my inner voice suggested and got a broken heart...because I wanted it to go a certain way and it wasn't meant to...

BTW, thanks Holiday! http://www.creators.com/lifestylefeatures/horoscopes/horoscopes-by-holiday.html

is it over yet?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Balance and moderation are in order. There are those around you who will want to push you in a direction that is too extreme. Be reasonable. Also: Avoid spicy or unusually rich foods.

I'm heading into the latter part of the day and tucked in safely at home, so doubt sincerely there's any danger of being pushed or eating things I shouldn't (unless someone shows up at my door and persuasively invites me out to eat rich foods!) Feeling a bit discouraged about the job situation, so expanding my search out toward Spokane. May have to move closer to a big city, even though I don't want to. If something comes up in the next month, it will only bring relief and nothing more...and I should be happy, but I know I will only feel exhausted from the effort...

Another day...another few dollars

Anyway, so another couple of weeks of WAITING for the outcome of interviews. Still have to pound the pavement though to get MORE opportunities of "hurry up and wait" for jobs that for whatever reason, I don't seem to fit THEIR qualifications. The sad thing is, when I ask them why I wasn't chosen, it's always something that my qualifications can't possibly hope to compete. Example: "the person who has been volunteering, doing it part-time, or applied more times than you got it." You would think with this place being as remote and rural as it is would run out of these types of candidates, but doesn't seem like it's going to end any time too soon...

now what?

Manic Monday #196

1. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Be rid of the abuse in my past.

2. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes I do, even though I don't agree with it sometimes. I believe that situations change in order for a new (and hopefully better) situation to come in.

3. What would be your dream job? Running a shop for low-income adults trying to get back in the job market (will be a referral process) to get a few interview outfits (clothing, shoes, etc). I've discovered that quite a few people don't have appropriate clothing for interviews and may get overlooked because of it. Also serves to boost their confidence and self-esteem.

Went to my interview and met with a panel of seven people - no pressure there! Won't know anything before end of next week, but that will be the beginning of the process. Top 3 candidates are notified. The #1 candidate undergoes a background check, credit check, and drug and alcohol screen. If anything comes back to your detriment, offer of employment is withdrawn and the next candidate is notified and goes through the same process. I was enthusiastic during the interview (which was followed by an essay portion to test your writing and critical thinking abilities). I walked out of there not really feeling great, but that may come from going through this process only to bumped out by a current employee or somebody's friend/relative. Not sure what else I can do - I give 100%, but my confidence is shaken as I'm walking out the door. I'm treating "job searching" as a full time job, but there's only so many places I can apply before I become a nuisance. Not sure if anything is coming up where I'm currently employed part-time, on-call (which doesn't meet my basic living expenses). I can feel discouragement elbowing its way in and taking up residence next to insomnia on the couch!

"I wish you could see you through my eyes"

What my name means (this is the name I use, which is a derivation of my given first name at birth)

• Your first name of Ronnie has given you a quick-minded, sensitive nature.
  
• It gives you a clever, creative ability in art, music, singing, or drama and an appreciation for refined surroundings (I am a writer at heart and deeply affected by music).
  
• Your sociable nature expresses affection, kindness, and thoughtfulness to the extent that it is difficult for you not to be affected by others and governed by your emotions, rather than by logic and reason (and sometimes to a fault).
  
• As you respond to love and encouragement from others, your romantic and dreamy nature can easily lead you into love affairs (and a broken heart).
• Although the name Ronnie creates the urge to understand others, we point out that it causes you to be emotional and temperamental (most definitely out of frustration).

Not sure why I'm having feelings of doubt about so many things, but I am. I usually have feelings of self-doubt and am working to change that in myself on a few different levels.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your daily habits keep you in an enjoyable rhythm. One of your activities will be prevented or interrupted by an unexpected twist in the plot. You'll adapt quickly and retain your excellent mood (was supposed to go to the casino with a friend, but an impending family death called him away).

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You will make a concession so that a friend's life will go more smoothly. It's a selfless act, but it will work out for you. When your relationships are going well, your personal and financial pictures brighten, too. (As mentioned above, assured friend that there was no need for an apology to postpone a trip to the casino due to a family tragedy. I also gave him the opportunity to talk about the effect his younger brother's impending death was having on him, which helped him deal with it a bit better).

Ever wonder just where you're headed?

Dreamed I was on a rocket ship. Got strapped into this HUGE helmet, but didn't get things attached as required. So before lift off, I could hear a woman say "we're gonna defer to Michelangelo since he WAS the original inventor." (something to do with the lining to my helmet). Anyway, I woke up because I was a bit claustrophobic even though I could move my head around in the helmet.

Saturday 9: Call Me

1. Who is someone that phones you routinely that you never seem to be up to talk to, but you are not ready to push them out of your life? Does texting on the phone count? If so, that would HAVE to be Dan. Mostly because he ends EVERY text "YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LADY" even though I've thanked him and told him it makes me uncomfortable. May have to add him to my "do not call list."

2. What is something that effects you deeply, to your core, no matter your mood or what else is going on in your life? When my son (or members of his family) are hurting over something (too long of a story to go into it here). However, things appear to be going okay for now.

3. Tell us of something that relaxes you and always makes you happy. Having things turn out the way I really want.

4. If you could take the train from anywhere to anywhere, where would 'anywhere' be? From here to eternity.

5. If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million? The next mega millions drawing so I could get the winning lottery numbers.

6. Did you do your shopping online for this Christmas, how did it go? Did things come in on time? Any significant failures? ...and if you didn't, will you consider trying online shopping sometime this year? I actually did. I was quite pleased and saved some money. They arrived on time and I will certainly do so this coming holiday season.

7. What people or projects are worth your time, money or effort? Those that further the good cause.

8. Think back when you were in high school. Are you proud of the way you dressed, or do you wish you could go back and change it all? I don't think "pride" had anything to do with how I dressed, but I was happy with it. I looked classy, stylish, and comfortable, so would not desire to go back and change THAT.

9. Do any of your friends, family or co-workers know about your blogs? For those that do, did you tell them or have they stumbled upon it by themselves? Only a couple friends know. I used to have a link to it, but removed it because I didn't want some people reading it.

the cocktail hour

http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/

1. There are places that a person should never venture again.
2. Quit your GD whining and blow those clouds away.
3. Standing in the midst of chaos, she throws off the challenge with a shrug.
4. Hot dog treasures and tater tots for dinner, oh boy.
5. He went out tiger hunting but brought back three missionaries instead.
6. Downers keep my mind from wandering.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to possibly going to see a movie (It's Complicated), tomorrow my plans include finishing my manuscript, and Sunday, I want to prepare for my Monday morning job interview !

I'm on the cusp, so here's my possibilities:

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Sure, every choice matters. But every choice is not hugely momentous. When it comes to fulfilling your life's purpose, there are many perfect routes. Just choose one that feels right and don't agonize.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Fortune favors you when you shift into an area of interest that is foreign to your expertise. Being a newcomer is exciting. You'll be game for the adventure and fabulously passionate about the learning process.

Had a very good conversation with Eric. We talked about a couple of things that needed to be talked about and dealt with - success! I feel my love for him growing each day, which is a difficult feat given my experience with such matters. He told me that he fell in love with me all over again and I truly believe him. He loves me unconditionally and extraordinarily ~ what more could a woman have?

can I blame this on Rio?

Sat around last night and told some "Chance stories" to my daughter in law. She laughed so hard! Me too....felt pretty good. Before my son and DIL went off to bed, they showed me how to set the sleep timer on the TV so I could watch a movie...got that all set and decided to get Hunter up to the bathroom in hopes he'd have a dry night for himself. I picked him up outta bed and could smell the sleep swirling around his little head. He laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms round my neck - brought a few tears to my eyes because he reminded me of Chance at that age. He sat on the pot, did #1, and went right back to sleep. I settled myself on the couch and don't even remember getting 5 minutes into the movie...I awoke hearing Hunter saying "i hear noises." I walked over, picked him up (still dry), and asked him "what noises?" All he said was "san poil noises." HUH???????? So I cuddled him on the couch and he was back out in 30 seconds. I put him back to bed. A couple hours later, he was in the hallway again saying "I see shadow and hear san poil noises." The only thing I can figure is he saw the cat (that only comes out from her hidey hole under Kim and Gayle's bed at night). He wanted to cuddle with me again and we both woke up together on the couch this morning (and yes, he was still dry!) Had to come home earlier than I wanted because I have a job interview tomorrow morning as well, but I had a great time and am looking forward to seeing them again soon and may even take them to see a movie.
As I'm writing this, I'm waiting for a "friend" to show up with my laptop that he had someone look at for me. (He offered to fix it and I told him no.) I'm so perturbed because he's two hours late (so far). Seems to be an epidemic here in this town...people not being courteous, etc. Or perhaps it's me...I'm not worthy of their effort? I don't consider them worthy of mine anymore.
What's truly bothering me about this "friend" situation is that there's more to it than I'm willing or able to put to words, but suffice to say I'm hurting over it.
The "friend" just showed up (2 1/2 hours after he said he'd be here). He attempted to engage me in small talk, but before I could tell him I really didn't want to visit, he pulled out his phone to answer a fucking text message from someone, I thanked him for bringing my laptop back and told him to have a good night as I opened the door for him. See ya!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Despite the moments of self-doubt that every human experiences from time to time, you are more than competent to cope with the basic challenges of life. Keep reminding yourself that you are powerful.

Time out

Drove up to BC for a couple days to get away. It's odd, because once I get here, I want to get back home...not because I don't want to see my family, but because I'm afraid I'll miss out on an opportunity for a job interview or something equally as important. I do enjoy the drive up and enjoy the time with my grandsons. Now if I could only land a full time job so I can afford to take them somewhere when I come to visit...hopefully soon enough.j

Horoscope (I'm on the cusp between Taurus and Gemini, so I usually look at both):

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You marvel at the glass-half-empty people who are always bringing up negative things, because for you the whole point of life is to see the good wherever you can. You'll connect with a special friend who shares that gift.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You feel like you're somebody who never wins anything, but everyone is a winner eventually. You just have to keep taking chances. Your number just came up, and you're about to find out.

Maybe a job looming on the horizon???

This road leads home

It's 1:30 in the afternoon...nary a call from anyone about the 4 different jobs I responded to in December. I can understand waiting until after the holidays (somewhat) to contact people for interviews...but HOW long after the holidays???? Do they actually NEED people in those positions or are they fucking (a derivative of my favorite cuss word) with people who TRULY need a full time job? I'm already formulating a back up plan that will go into effect this summer, which will hopefully coincide with my son and DIL successfully getting into their own place. Had thought about applying for a job in Alaska, but they don't have any relocation assistance, so not gonna bother! And if I was considering a job there (2400+ miles away from here), no reason why I shouldn't consider my home state of Ohio again...which would address a couple other situations too.
Update: Have an interview for a position with Head Start. The position is for Family/Community Services Manager. I'm reading up the responsibilities and preparing for a good interview...will keep you posted...

Is it Spring yet?

Ever have one of THOSE days? THEY know what I'm talking about...
Is it Spring yet?
Not according to the calendar...or the weather ~ DAMN! Lots of snow today, got a few pics. Spent the morning at the laundromat; met a guy named Phillipe, who was doing his laundry. His Mexican accent was barely understandable, but he was good company and a pretty good conversationalist. We said our goodbyes and headed out into the snow, bidding each other a safe journey home.
I'm torn between two situations and trying to figure out what I should do. For now, gonna play this one close till things become a bit clearer at this end. At times, I feel I've gone too far to change direction and at other times, afraid of going further into the abyss of what is my current life situation. I really love my current location here in the north central remote area of Washington. However, it's been a tough 7 months, though have had much needed help from my father (THANK YOU DAD!)

Manic Monday

What did you get in trouble for the most when you were a kid? Not doing what I was supposed to be doing (although most times, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing).

Which is your wish that is not yet fulfilled? Be married to someone who loves me for me.

If you have to choose a movie title for your life story, what would that be? A Secret Insanity (already writing the manuscript).

Randomized chaos

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Gary

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? So many to choose from...

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? David

4. What is your favorite cheese? provolone

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? Thinly sliced turkey breast, provolone cheese, avocado, romaine lettuce, with a small amount of mayonnaise on whole grain white bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Harvey Keitel

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Tom Petty

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Take my grandsons to their favorite fun places!

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Columbus Ohio.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Take my father out for a nice dinner.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…? Sangria

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? 1968 and I'm going to use my voice!

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? No anger.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise? Don't lose Hope - instilling hope in those who feel they have none.

15.What is your favorite curse word? FUCK!

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Get the FUCK! outta there!

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item? My fucking computer!

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Have incredible fucking sex and a 26 minute orgasm.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? Mind reading.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The first time I felt true love.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Fucking Abuse.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? In fucking England.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? The closest fucking one.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”? My son's house - my grandsons would think I was REALLY cool!

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Jim Morrison, of course.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Papaw.

27. What’s your theme song? The Rose

So, it's just now the 3rd of January, but wanted to get a headstart on the day...if anything exciting happens, I'll add it later in the day...

1. What is your pet hate? Liars and cheats.
   
2. If you had the choice of living on any planet, then which one it be and why? Now why would I want to move to another planet when I haven't even adjusted to this one yet?
   
3. It’s your birthday and everyone forgets what would you do? It happens fairly routinely and I'll do what I usually do...nothing.
   
4. Do you think you are good at recycling? I try to be...I cut and paste on the computer, which uses less key strokes on the keyboard, which means less effort and energy on my part, which means I eat less (hmmm) due to less energy needs, which means, well you get my direction...
   
5. Cash or credit? Cash, when I have it.
   
6. Car or public transport!? I'm a slave to my car, though try to combine trips so I don't use what precious gasoline I can afford to put in it, which cuts down on emissions, which helps the planet...(see #4 above). Besides, no public transportation out here where I live, unless I put my thumb out and use the public at large as my mode of transporation...which is actually a common practice out here!
   

http://blazingminds.co.uk/category/saturday-six/

The progress on one of my resolutions is going along okay. I'm already procrastinating on the one with a looming deadline, but I'm sure I'll get over that hump and get it done. And only 135 shopping days till my birthday, for those of you referred to in #3 above...and only 356 shopping days till Christmas...GET A MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here I am, 7 months later, still looking for a full time job. I did manage to get a part time (REALLY part time) job that doesn't pay all my bills and leaves me shuffling things around each month. My father has helped me off and on, without which I would probably be living outta my car or possibly in a pay by the week motel. Never imagined I'd be in this situation, but here I stand looking out my eyes, but not seeing me. Have a couple (as in two) goals for the first half of this year...okay...three. The first is to obtain full time employment (though I am doing what I need to do, just not getting the interviews or getting hired). The second is to finish my book for review and hopefully get it published. The third thing is to improve my health and all the things implicated in that (better nutrition, excercise regimen, etc).

http://fridayfillins.blogspot.com/

1. Last night: I spent alone, wondering what happened in my life.
2. I hope to not be alone this year.
3. The funniest thing happened when I read my horoscope and it was nothing like what was going on in my life.
4. And then I asked myself...so where do we go from here?
5. He said "I wish you could see you through my eyes;" she said "I wish I could too."
6. We've lost our way along the path and forgot where the journey was leading and it's up to us to find it.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to more mundane loneliness, tomorrow my plans include additional routine rhetoric and Sunday, I want to engage in vapid solitude!